Whether you are a child, teenager, or adult, friendships can sometimes get tricky. This article shares three friendship truths to guide kids as they head back to school.
Our social lives are constantly evolving, especially during childhood and adolescence. Some changes are positive, like making new friends. Others are challenging, such as dealing with conflict, betrayal, and the loss of friendship.
What makes social changes during adolescence difficult are often the stories preteens and teens layer on top. A friendship loss may grow to mean that they “must not be good enough.” Or, after a falling out, kids might label a former friend as “bad,” holding tight to resentment.
In reality, these stories are inaccurate and incomplete. They hold kids back, tainting their view of themselves and others. It’s best to ditch these stories altogether. But how?
As I researched and wrote “BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends),” I uncovered nine truths about friendship. These truths help preteens and teens find compassion for themselves and others. They change the story.
Three Friendship Truths
From the book BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships
Friendship truth #1: Friendships have different phases and change over time
Relationships wax and wane throughout life for all sorts of reasons. Just knowing this helps to soften the blow when friendships change or come to an end.
Friendship truth #2: Everyone develops friendship skills at a different pace
Childhood and adolescence serve as a training ground for developing social-emotional skills. Everyone develops these skills at their own pace, which means social interactions can sometimes become messy.
Friendship truth #3: Everyone makes mistakes
Kids (and adults) mess up all the time in relationships. Since kids did not practice relational skills as much this past year and many families are stressed, mistakes may be even more common than usual.
In Summary – Kids’ Friendship Truths
Recognizing these friendship truths does not mean kids will avoid social discomfort, hurt feelings, or regret. Friendships will change. Conflict will happen. Kids will feel alone at times.
But, these truths help kids learn to be gentle with themselves and others. They encourage kids to set aside the stories and remain open to learning and growing.
Through listening and encouragement, parents play a crucial role in helping children process their emotions and feel heard, loved, and accepted as they navigate the inevitable struggles that come their way. If your child continues to experience isolation and loneliness, be sure to seek support from a school counselor or other professional.
After an enduring pandemic, heading back to school will be filled with change for all of us. It’s a unique opportunity to start fresh, let go of stories, and stay grounded in our shared humanity. But most of all, it’s time to enjoy some much-needed time with friends.
About Jessica Speer:
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.
Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit .JessicaSpeer.com