It’s back-to-school time, and that means back to friendships, too. For many kids, the return to school and their social worlds is a mix of excitement and worry. Kids may wonder if their friendships will be the same. They may be frustrated with some of their classmates. Or they may feel distraught because their friend is in a different classroom.
Schools offer space for kids to learn how to make and maintain friendships, so there will be bumps along the way. Given the wide range of social skills in a single classroom, it’s no wonder that friendship struggles unfold.
As kids return to the classroom, they are likely to experience changes in their friendships. And that’s okay. With the love, support, and encouragement of their caregivers, kids learn to be resilient and open to change.
The following friendship truths from BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends) help kids navigate their social worlds. When kids are in the midst of social change and struggle, parents can help kids feel loved and heard by listening to and validating their experiences and emotions. Then, caregivers might gently remind kids of these truths.
Three Friendship Truths for Back-to-School
Truth: Friendships change over time
Friendship changes can be difficult and confusing for kids, but it’s common in elementary and middle school (and throughout life). Being placed in different classes, changing interests, personalities, and group dynamics prompts friendship changes throughout childhood. Understanding that change is normal may not make it easier or less painful, but it helps a little. Remind kids that a friendship might be different now, but that it could change again in the future. The Friendship Pyramid offers a visual illustration of the changing nature of friendships.
Truth: Everyone develops friendship skills at a different pace, so misunderstandings and mistakes happen
Friendship requires many skills, like communication, flexibility, respect, and honesty. Because kids develop these skills at different rates, conflict and mistakes are common. Remind kids that everyone is doing the best they can on any given day. A friendship might not be right for them now, but this person will grow and change over the years.
Truth: “Close friendships” can be hard to find
Most kids have a variety of peers that fall into the “friend” category, including classmates, neighbors, teammates, and so on. For some kids, “close friends” are harder to find. In fact, many kids may not have a “close friend” until middle school or later. This can be a relief to kids who feel like everyone has a best friend except them. All kids need to have friends, but close friendships may not happen for some kids until later.
Recognizing these friendship truths does not mean kids will avoid social discomfort, hurt feelings, or regret. But these truths help kids learn to be gentle with themselves and others. They encourage kids to stay open to learning and growing.
Supporting Kids as They Head Back to School
Through listening and encouragement, parents play an essential role in helping kids process their emotions and feel heard and loved as they build friendship skills and navigate inevitable struggles along the way. If your child continues to experience isolation and loneliness, be sure to seek support from a school counselor or other professional.
Heading back to school and friendships will be filled with change for all of us. It’s a unique opportunity to start fresh. But best of all, it’s time to reconnect with friends.
About Jessica Speer:
Jessica Speer is the author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand. She is also the author of the award-winning, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised, both of which grew out of her work with kids. Blending social science, stories, and fun activities, her writing unpacks tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with children. For more information, visit .JessicaSpeer.com