It’s easy to fall into advice or fix-it mode with our kids, colleagues, and friends instead of deeply listening. We hate to see others struggle and want to jump in and fix things. But, often, the best way to help others grow is simply to listen. To validate their experience and allow them to process their thoughts and emotions out loud. And there’s no better way to build connection and trust.
Research on Listening
A Harvard study found “that speakers paired with good listeners (versus those paired with distracted listeners) felt less anxious, more self-aware, and reported higher clarity.” By simply feeling heard, participants in the study experienced greater clarity and lower stress levels.
As the mom of a tween and teen, I’m trying hard to bite my tongue more often these days. With the shift to hybrid and online school, social distancing, canceled activities, and more time at home, there’s a lot for kids to process now. Studies show that one of the most effective ways to navigate difficult thoughts and emotions is by sharing them with a good listener.
So what does deep listening mean?
The key elements of deep listening include:
1. Avoid distractions – such as glancing at your phone
2. Reflect back to the speaker what you hear to confirm your understanding
3. Avoid giving advice and judging the person speaking.
The Gift of Listening
Deep listening is an essential but increasingly rare skill these days. Yet, it is crucial to fostering meaningful and supportive relationships. Although I find it so tempting to insert my opinions and dish out advice, I’m trying to refrain, listen and be compassionate. Deep listening helps others find clarity as they process the thoughts and emotions swirling around in their minds. And there is no more generous gift than to be truly heard and accepted.
About Jessica Speer:
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.
Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit .JessicaSpeer.com