What is the right age for kids and phones? What rules should be in place? These are important decisions for families that provide an opportunity to put healthy phone habits in place right from the start.
The Decision to Give Your Kid a Phone
When my daughter turned 12, she received an old iPhone for her birthday. She wanted to start babysitting, so a phone would be helpful. Most of the kids in her grade had phones already, so that pressure lingered, too.
We decided to start small. The phone was set to only allow texting and calls to start. I did some research and put some family tech rules in place too. This article by Christine Carter, Tablet and Smartphone Boot Camp for Middle School Parents, was especially helpful. The author explains the importance of making kids aware of what is private and what is not (basically anything they do online is not private) and using technology as a force for good.
On Going Discussion With Kids About Healthy Phone Habits
Overall, my daughter’s phone has not been an issue yet. The biggest challenges are that she forgets it at home when she needs it and forgets to charge it. I know things will change as she grows, so we’ll keep talking about it as a family. Here are the norms we put in place to help along the way.
Tips to Build Healthy Phone Habits for Kids:
1. Establish a family tech agreement
There are a lot of sample agreements available online. (search “phone contract for kids”) We discussed the elements of our tech agreement as a family because it offered great conversation starters about how to stay safe online.
2. No phones in bedrooms
This rule encourages us to continue to hang out together in our living room. I can also better monitor online activity. Sometimes I let my daughter bring her phone in her room for a brief period for a specific reason, but mostly phones stay in our living room.
3. No phones at mealtime
4. Have a charging space where devices stay at night
It’s widely known that screen time before bed is disruptive to sleep. Before everyone heads off to read before bed, devices land on the charging station in our living room.
5. Teach kids to ask you about anything that happens online that seems weird
When my daughter gets chain text messages, spam or things she’s not sure about, she checks with me and I guide her on how to respond or not respond.
6. Use social media and devices as a force for good
Starting social media is a big decision that requires family discussion and an understanding of each social media platform. If your family allows social media, be sure to keep the focus on using devices in ways that make us happier and the world a better place. Social media can have negatives effects on self-esteem as well as mood.
7. Model positive behavior yourself
My phone habits are an important model for my daughters. If I’m texting and the person I’m in the room with asks me a question, I put my phone down, look them in the eye and respond. If I hear my phone bing, I try not to immediately check it. I try not to look at my phone in the car. (I enabled a feature to hold calls and texts while I’m driving) I’m definitely not the perfect role model, but I consistently try to be.
Finding balance in my family with devices and phones will undoubtedly be an ongoing practice. I hope these tips help if you are navigating this as well. Please share ideas that have worked for your family, too!
Helpful Resource:
Common Sense Media – Advice for parents on cell phones, social media, screen time, on-line safety and more
ABOUT JESSICA SPEER:
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised. Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing unpacks tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She has a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and a knack for writing about complex topics in ways that connect with kids and teens.
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