What is the appropriate age to give your child a phone? Are there steps you should take before this milestone? What rules should be in place for your child’s first phone? Parents today face these tough questions and more. This post shares three things you can do to help your child and your family prepare for this new responsibility.
Smartphones have become an integral part of our lives, and it’s no surprise that kids are eager to get their hands on one. However, before you give your child their own phone, consider a few things.
3 Steps Before You Give Your Child Their First Phone
1. Determine What Type of Phone Your Child Is Ready For
First, think about why your child needs the phone. Do they need it to stay in touch with family? Or, do they want to connect with their friends via social media or text? Do they need it for schoolwork? Or, do they want it to play games and watch videos? Some of these scenarios share the child’s “needs,” and others share the child’s “wants” for the phone. Focusing on the child’s “needs” first can help eliminate phones, apps, and responsibilities your child is not quite ready for.
Once you better understand your child’s needs, you can look for a phone that’s right for them. Is a smartphone with access to a web browser, social media, and more the best phone to start with? Or does it make sense to start with a simpler phone like the Gabb phone or other device without a web browser and social media? While smartphones are popular, there are other options to consider that give kids a chance to learn about digital safety and digital citizenship gradually over time.
Last week, while visiting an elementary school, some fifth-grade students told me they would not get smartphones until 8th grade. Their parents made an agreement with other parents to delay smartphones until the end of middle school. I’m seeing more parents collaborating with other families to reinforce their decision to delay smartphones until late middle school or high school.
The needs of every family and child are different when it comes to phones and technology, and these needs will continue to change as your child grows and matures. Ongoing family conversations about technology help parents better understand their children and how to best support their needs and growth.
2. Create a Family Tech Agreement
Once you’ve decided on the type of phone your child is ready for, create a family tech agreement. This agreement should outline the rules and expectations for your child’s phone and tech use. For example, you can limit screen time, restrict certain apps, or require your child to get your permission before downloading new apps.
The most effective family tech agreements are created with the child’s input. There are many sample agreements available online that can be customized to meet the needs of your family. To start the conversation, share a sample agreement with your family, gather input, and modify the agreement to fit your family.
Essential components of family tech agreements include:
- Screen time limits: How much time can your child spend on their phone/tech daily?
- Screen free zones: Are there certain places the phone is not allowed, such as during meals and during sleep hours?
- App restrictions: Which apps are your child allowed to use, and which are off-limits?
- Password sharing: Will you require your child to share their phone’s password with you so you can monitor their activity?
- Consequences for breaking the rules: What consequences will your child face if they break the rules of the family tech agreement?
Family tech agreements are not set in stone and should be updated as your child grows and family tech rules and expectations change. This flexibility allows you to adapt responsibilities to suit your family’s evolving needs.
3. Begin Regular Family Conversations About Digital Citizenship and Safety
In addition to creating a family tech agreement, begin regular conversations with your child about digital citizenship, safety, and tech. Rather than lecturing, start these conversations from a place of calm and curiosity. Here are a few conversation starters.
Conversation Starters to Help Kids Learn Digital Awareness and Safety
- What are some of the things you like to do on your phone? What are some of the things you don’t like about your phone?
- Do you know the difference between cyberbullying and digital drama? How might you handle these situations?
- What are some ways kids can protect their privacy and stay safe online?
I wrote The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand as a phone guide for kids and families. Each chapter explores topics such as cyberbullying, digital safety, privacy, misinformation, digital footprints, social media, and more. This book is a great way to learn and discuss the ins and outs of owning a phone.
As a parent, you play a crucial role in guiding your child’s digital journey. By determining the best phone to start with, establishing a family tech agreement, and engaging in ongoing conversations, you can help your child have a positive experience with their first phone and begin to build healthy digital habits.
About Jessica Speer:
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.
Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through the tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She has a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and a knack for writing about complex topics in ways that connect with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit www.JessicaSpeer.com