Friendship Truth #1: Our healthiest friendships feel safe and accepting.
This series of posts shares the nine Friendship Truths from BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships – although they apply to all ages and genders. Here are links to the other posts in this series: Friendship Truth #2, Truth #3, Truth #4, Truth #5, Truth #6, Truth #7, Truth #8, Truth #9 and The Friendship Pyramid.
While researching and writing BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girl’s Guide to Happy Friendships, I uncovered nine “Friendship Truths” that are simple yet easy to forget. Truths such as “everyone develops friendship skills at a different pace” and “mistakes happen” are especially helpful during times of struggle.
These truths do not eliminate discomfort or change. Instead, they connect us to our shared humanity. They remind us that we are not alone. That we are worthy. And that others are too.
The “Friendship Truths” eventually grew into the framework for BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships. I’ll dive into the nine Friendship Truths in this series of posts, starting with #1.
Friendship Truth #1: Our healthiest friendships feel safe and accepting.
“Safe and accepting” may not be the words used to describe some preteen and teen friendships. Adolescence is marked by significant emotional, physical, and intellectual growth that impacts relationships. Yet, finding emotionally safe and accepting relationships is an essential part of well-being as children transition into adulthood.
In early elementary school, friendships often form based on play and proximity, such as being in the same class or the same neighborhood. Starting in late elementary school and middle school, friendships begin to form based on shared interests and deeper feelings of acceptance.
During this transition, relationship instability often rules. A UCLA study of 6,000 sixth-graders found that two-thirds changed friendships during their first year of middle school. In this Raising Teens Today article, I share Why Social Struggles Peak in Adolescence.
Navigating Preteen and Teen Friendship Changes
As kids navigate relationship changes, Friendship Truth #1 is an important reminder: Our healthiest friendships feel safe and accepting.
Emotionally safe and accepting friendships can be challenging to find, especially during the preteen and teenage years. It’s common for kids to be part of a group where some friendships feel accepting while others do not. Kids may choose to stay in a friendship or a group that is not a good fit rather than risk isolation.
Friendship Truth #1: Our healthiest friendships feel safe and accepting is a reminder to stay aware of the health of our relationships. It reminds us that we can invest more energy in relationships that bring us joy. Finally, it helps us recognize when we might need to be cautious or establish a boundary.
Parents Can Help Kids Recognize Safe and Accepting Friendships
Parents and caregivers can support their child’s journey by listening and helping them process uncomfortable emotions and situations. Asking questions such as, “Which of your friendships do you feel like you can really be yourself?” and “Which friendship leaves you feeling good about yourself?” helps kids gain awareness.
When parents model Friendship Truth #1 in their relationship with their child, it helps kids experience firsthand feelings of safety and acceptance. This foundational experience shapes their expectations and needs for relationships, both now and in the future.
Over time, kids and teens develop social and emotional skills, such as communicating to solve problems, practicing kindness, managing emotions, being flexible, speaking up, and making new friends. Kids learn these skills at different rates, so remind your child that everyone is usually doing the best they can with their skills and life experience.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.
Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit .JessicaSpeer.com