This article describes The Friendship Pyramid from BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends). The Pyramid explores the dynamics of friendship and is a helpful framework for kids, families, and schools.
The definition of the word “friend” varies from person to person. Maybe it describes the people you spend time with or go to for support. For some, it describes classmates, teammates, or neighbors. To others, it’s all of the above. To add to the complexity, people have different expectations and needs in friendships. This ambiguity can make friendships confusing, especially for preteens and teens.
Introducing The Friendship Pyramid
While doing research for BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships, I wanted to address this ambiguity. To clarify the different phases and qualities of friendships, I sketched out the first draft of the Friendship Pyramid on a notepad. Over time, the Pyramid grew into the framework I use to help kids navigate their social world.
Since the release of BFF or NRF, the Friendship Pyramid has grown into a fridge-worthy resource for families. Click on the button above to download a free copy. When I talk about the Pyramid with kids and families, there are a few key points I like to share.
Close Friends
“Close friends” make up the tip of the pyramid. Most people have just a few close friends, as these friendships take longer to develop and tend to be unique connections. Close friendships are filled with acceptance and trust.
However, it is not uncommon for preteens and teens to go through phases when they feel like they do not have a close friend. This feels unsettling since friendships take on a significant role during adolescence. During these times, caregivers can ensure that kids have someone in their life to whom they can turn for support.
Friends
The “friends” level of the pyramid is broad and encompasses various individuals, including classmates, team members, and neighbors. These friendships are fun and accepting, but since they may not have developed the trust and connection of “close friends,” kids may not share personal information or feel comfortable with some of them. Some of these friendships may develop into close friendships, and many will not, which is perfectly okay. Having friends in various groups and places is a good way for preteens and teens to spread their wings.
Acquaintances
The Friendship Pyramid base is filled with people or acquaintances who could be new friends. Kids see these people around town or at school, but they do not know them yet. Encourage kids to stay open to new friendships and to treat others with kindness, even people they don’t know.
NRF (Not Really Friends)
“NRFs” or Not Really Friends are the relationships in our lives that are more difficult. Possibly, they are nice sometimes and mean other times. Or they leave you feeling uncomfortable being yourself. These relationships lack trust, so you may find yourself being careful about what you say.
I’m not a fan of labels, but I thought it was necessary to describe these relationships. “Not Really Friends” works well because it simply describes what is going on. In these relationships, I encourage kids to be cautious and kind. Here, we are practicing boundaries with kindness. Everyone is growing and changing, especially during childhood and the teen years. These relationships may improve or change over time, too.
The Friendship Pyramid – In Summary
Running up and down the sides of the Pyramid are the words “Change” and “Misunderstandings.” These words represent two important friendship truths. First, friendships naturally change over time. They wax and wane as people and life change.
Second, in any relationship, misunderstandings are common. We are all human and have different expectations and needs. And we all mess up and make mistakes.
In summary, the Friendship Pyramid helps to remove some of the ambiguity in relationships. It also reminds kids what to look for in friendship and how to be a good friend. Kids (and adults) are works in progress. We are doing the best we can given our circumstances on any given day. Through our friendships, we grow, change, and learn to be our best selves.
About Jessica Speer
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.
Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit .JessicaSpeer.com