When you ask women about their preteen and teen years many share that they lacked confidence as girls. They recall trying to fit in and friendships struggles that negatively impacted their self-esteem. And this rings true for adolescent girls today.
Why does confidence dip during the preteen and teen years, especially for girls? The answer lies in some big questions girls navigate during this phase.
Three Big Questions Girls Navigate
Preteens and teens girls learn how to navigate complex social groups alongside the physical, emotional, and intellectual changes that go along with puberty. All of this happens as peer acceptance grows in importance and confidence levels drop. These changes raise some big questions for adolescent girls.
Am I okay?
Puberty is a turbulent time for confidence in both genders, but girls experience a more significant drop. Claire Shipman, Katty Kay, and JillEllyn Riley, authors of The Confidence Code for Girls, found that girls’ confidence levels drop by 30% between the ages of 8 and 14. The authors contribute much of the decline to newly formed habits such as overthinking, people-pleasing, and perfectionism. This lack of confidence ripples through girls’ relationships and increases the likelihood of self-doubt, social anxiety, and risk avoidance.
Where do I fit?
While confidence is dipping, adolescents are in the midst of a developmental phase that shifts their reliance on family to reliance on peers. During this period, friendships begin to replace family as tweens’ primary source of identity and support. Social conformity becomes a typical response to the urgent need to fit in and be accepted into a new replacement “family.”
A UCLA study of 6,000 sixth-graders found that two-thirds changed friendships during their first middle school year. The majority of adolescents report feeling lonely at some point. While friendship changes and struggles occur throughout life, they intensify during adolescence.
Who am I?
As kids look to their peers for support and a sense of belonging, they begin to figure out where they fit in the sea of students, groups, and activities. During adolescence, children begin to explore their social world, including who their friends are, what they wear, and what activities they participate in. They start to question, experiment with, and shape their identity.
What can parents do to support their daughters?
To say a lot is going on developmentally during adolescence is an understatement. It makes sense that confidence dips during this period of tremendous change and growth. Preteens are exploring some of life’s biggest questions, Am I okay? Where do I fit? Who am I?
There is no way to avoid discomfort during adolescence or any phase of life. Yet, parents play an essential role in helping their daughters learn to navigate change and emotions in healthy ways. Parents also model the essential skills of self-compassion and empathy.
Active listening, without judgment, gives girls time and space to process their feelings and experiences aloud, increasing self-awareness and reducing anxiety. Parents can also regularly share what they love and appreciate about their daughters, showing compassion for their struggles and demonstrating genuine affection. As girls grow and feel heard, they begin to understand that they are okay as they are. Big questions, with big answers, that shift throughout life.
About the Author:
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.
Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit .JessicaSpeer.com