Friendship Truth #2: Everyone develops friendship skills at a different pace.
This series of posts shares each of the nine Friendship Truths from BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships – Although they apply to all ages and genders. Here are links to the other posts in this series: Friendship Truth #1, Truth #2, Truth #3, Truth #4, Truth #5, Truth #6, Truth #7, Truth #8, Truth #9 and The Friendship Pyramid.
While researching and writing BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships, I uncovered nine “Friendship Truths.” These truths are simple but easy to forget, especially during times of struggle.
Friendship Truths
I share these truths in my work and my book because they help normalize kids’ experiences. Whether it’s changing friendships, conflict, or mistakes, these truths help preteens and teens understand that it isn’t just them. Relationships are tricky sometimes.
These truths do not eliminate discomfort or struggle. Instead, they connect us to our shared humanity. They remind us that we are not alone. That we are worthy. And that others are too.
Friendship Truth #2: Everyone Develops Friendship Skills at a Different Pace
Friendship requires a variety of skills that take time and practice to develop. Effective communication, flexibility, conflict resolution, managing emotions, trustworthiness, speaking up, and listening are just a few of the skills children develop throughout childhood. Social strife is common with such a wide range of skills in every classroom and group.
Friendship Truth #2 Encourages a Growth Mindset
Carol Dweck, professor of Psychology at Stanford University, introduced the concept of the growth mindset in her best-selling book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. A “growth mindset” is when individuals believe their skills and talents can be developed through hard work, good strategies, and input from others. Alternatively, a “fixed mindset” assumes that talents are innate gifts and cannot be changed.
Dweck’s research found that people with a growth mindset tend to achieve more than those with a fixed mindset. Schools that focused on developing a growth mindset in students showed more academic growth and success. When kids focused on working hard and learning, they did better.
A Growth Mindset for Social Skills
So what if a growth mindset is applied to kids’ social-emotional learning and development? When we emphasize that social skills are learned and improved with practice, it opens the door to personal growth and change. It gives kids room to make mistakes, learn, and do things differently the next time.
How can caregivers help kids develop friendship skills?
Friendship requires various skills, which take time and practice to develop. Nobody’s perfect, and no friendship is perfect either. Friendship changes, misinterpreting behavior, and diverse social skills contribute to struggles and strife during the preteen and teen years. Parents and schools can help kids develop friendship skills in many ways, such as:
- Model positive relationships: Demonstrate respectful communication, empathy, and conflict resolution skills in your own interactions, showing kids how to build healthy relationships.
- Provide opportunities for social interaction: Organize get-togethers and extracurricular activities to allow kids to meet and interact with their peers.
- Teach essential social skills: Help kids practice introducing themselves, listening actively, and initiating conversations.
- Facilitate communication and empathy: Encourage kids to express their feelings and concerns, and to consider others’ perspectives.
- Guide conflict resolution: Teach kids how to resolve disagreements constructively, such as through compromise, active listening, and respectful communication.
- Create a safe and supportive environment: Provide a home where kids feel comfortable expressing themselves and sharing their experiences and feelings.
- Recognize and support individual needs: Be aware that some kids may need extra support in developing social skills, such as those with social anxiety or learning differences.
- Celebrate unique personalities: Remind kids that everyone is unique
Summary: Developing Friendship Skills
Schools and homes are prime training grounds to help kids develop social-emotional skills. New social dynamics and conflict continuously emerge—and that’s okay. Each provides an opportunity to practice social-emotional skills and manage uncomfortable emotions and situations in healthy ways.
Over time kids develop the social tools needed to live fulfilling lives, such as communicating to solve problems, kindness, managing emotions, flexibility, speaking up, and making new friends. A growth mindset emphasizes the importance of practicing these skills and accepting mistakes as part of the learning process. Most importantly, a growth mindset helps kids stay open to growth in themselves and others.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jessica Speer is the award-winning author of books for kids and teens, including The Phone Book – Stay Safe, Be Smart, and Make the World Better with the Powerful Device in Your Hand, BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? A Girls Guide to Happy Friendships and Middle School – Safety Goggles Advised.
Blending social science, stories, and activities, her writing guides readers through tricky stuff that surfaces during childhood and adolescence. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences and has a knack for writing about complex topics in a way that connects with kids and teens. Jessica regularly contributes to media outlets on content related to kids, parenting, friendship, screens, and social-emotional learning. For more information, visit .JessicaSpeer.com